When My Spirit Is Faint

Have you ever been depressed without realizing you were? Or living in denial of it, even when the signs are there? You’re not alone, there are many of us who travel through seasons of depression. That’s where I’ve been for the past couple weeks.

So many things have been on my mind. The herniated discs I’ve been living with acted up, several people I love dearly are suffering with medical issues, the brakes went out on our truck, and the hard drive on our computer failed. I developed a sinus infection. My brother’s first heavenly birthday brought back the pain of his death in February. That led to revisiting the private grief and regrets when I lost my children’s father to suicide. I was in a downward spiral that was spinning rapidly out of control.

I could feel myself turning inward, shutting others out, closing myself into a little cocoon, all the while denying that I was depressed. This is never a productive way to deal with depression. And I know it isn’t… but I did it anyway.

I can’t pinpoint the moment that tilted me back to the sunny side of life, and I can’t even thank God for answering my cry for help … because I didn’t even turn to Him when I needed Him the most. And that breaks my heart more than I can express in words.

Reading my Bible and spending time with the Lord is my favorite time of the day because I can feel His presence with me. Even during this dark period, I read and prayed, but I didn’t acknowledge that I needed His help. I tried to fix it myself, and we all know that never works. As a result, I didn’t feel the joy and peace of His presence during my devotional time. I felt like I was alone.

We all go through seasons of depression. We all have times when we don’t actively feel the presence of the Lord. And when the season passes and we find Him there waiting with open arms. God is faithful, if only we trust in Him.

“I cry aloud to the LORD; I lift up my voice to the LORD for mercy. I pour out before him my complaint; before him I tell my trouble. When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who watch over my way.” Psalm 142 :1-3

I urge you not to lock yourself into the cocoon of depression. Reach out to someone, call out to God, but do not let depression take control. I will pray for you – please pray for me.

Photo by GEORGE DESIPRIS on Pexels.com

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